it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What a dumb baby whore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
