people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
