I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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