Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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