I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
