whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
