Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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