I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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