so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
