I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
