apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
