you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
