So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
