we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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