i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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