It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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