I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
