Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
