My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
