i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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