I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
