And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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