OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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