Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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