i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
