it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
