Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
