brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I puked a lego.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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