I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
