i think my tv is drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
