Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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