I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
