Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
