There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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