As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
