We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
