Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
