wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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