Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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