Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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