Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
