So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Randomize
