"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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