i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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