I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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