Can i not drive my cunt home
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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