I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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