Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
