Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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