sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
