Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
