yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
