"it" just moved
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
